Along with Mars and Mercury, my ambitious ego has gone retrograde. For the past two years, I’ve been swimming upstream like mad, pushing myself with word count goals, editing deadlines and every promotion under the sun. Since September 2008, I’ve published three novels and a novella in digital and print formats while dealing with debilitating back problems, the loss of my mother-in-law, my twins entering middle school, and a bathroom remodel. (While those last two things pale in comparison to the first two, they were nevertheless extremely stressful.)
I spent most of 2009 flat on my back, either in bed, on the floor, or on the surgeon’s table. None of the procedures I had done worked. My cure has been a constant dose of physical therapy and clinical Pilates, patience and time. I’m not a patient person. Before, when I suffered from health or other problems, I simply put my head down and bulldozed my way through it. This time, however, there was no bulldozing through the pain or immobility. Hubby bought me a laptop holder that allowed me to work from bed and I learned to value the days I could stand, walk or drive more than the word count I produced.
Every year at this time, I pull out my journal, read the goals I set on January 1st of the current year, and make new ones for the coming year. Usually I have a lot of goals, most of them professional. At the beginning of 2009, I knew it was going to be a year full of work, and it was. Looking ahead to 2010, however, my ego no longer feels that driving need to produce. Is it because I accomplished so much this year and my ego is happy, or is it because my back ordeal taught me the importance of taking one day at a time?
The answer eludes me as I type this blog, but I’m happy to wait it out. Right now, I’m writing a new story in a new genre and loving the freedom it provides. I’m content to hibernate for awhile, not worrying about how many words I get down today or tomorrow, instead focusing on the crisp scenes, layered characters and making sure my theme resonates in every chapter.
My back is healing, and while the old me would normally jump into everything I used to do (and basically overtax my back and stress management levels all over again), the new me is content to roll with the flow. A good day? I’ll write and bake and enjoy my kids. Bad day? I’ll watch Bravo and HGTV and Soapnet, read a good book, and crank my iPod.
The New Year brings a new decade, a fresh start, and for me, a new attitude. My ego is content to stop swimming upstream and float for awhile. To hibernate, meditate, clear out the clutter and embrace health. I’m ready to take a break.
How about you? Will you be swimming or floating in 2010? Either way, I wish you a happy and healthy 2010.
